A letter from daddy's little girl

My dad turned one year older a couple days ago.

Growing up, I wouldn't say that I was emotionally close to my dad. He is a very hardworking person and he went out of town every month to follow up on his projects. Our dinner table usually consisted of my siblings, my mom and my grandmother. Thus, whenever dad came back from his one-week work trip, we always gave him a huge hug while reaching into his pocket searching for some free airline's candies. 

I love my dad in a way that is so much different from my mom. I always sit beside him on a dinner table and slept beside him every night when I was a kid cause that's what safety and comfort feel like. I always made sure I spooned out all the carrots from my soup and gave it to him cause I know how much he loves carrots. Whenever we kids did a mistake, he never once yelled at us or laid a hand on us. 

My mom always told us kids to always love our dads because he had sacrificed a lot of his time to work for our family. Thanks to him, we are able to enjoy the fruits of his hard work. Thanks to him, I get a lot of privileges that my school mates don't. Thanks to him, I received education from a first world country and experienced a life that he never gets in this life. 

When I was in college, I called my dad once a month. It was a short call cause he always had something to do and I never really confided in him cause I didn't want to add to his burden. When covid finally hit, I spent a lot of time at home with my dad. He taught me a lot of about work and life lessons. That was also when I grew closer to my dad, observing his habits and personality. Now, there is no day goes by that I didn't talk to him. I should really thank covid for my relationship with my dad.

I am counting months till I finally left my house for good. To dad, I could only wish for a healthier and happier life. I hope that even if I have my own family in the future, I will never forget what it feels like to be a daddy's little girl. 

I met my younger self today

I met my younger self in a cafe today

She ordered pain au chocolat and iced latte. I ordered iced matcha coconut.

She was 30 minutes late. I was 10 minutes late.

She brought her boxing gloves with her. I was wearing a pair of cute pilates socks.

She told me life in the US was fun but she thought about going back to Indonesia all the time. I told her I live in Indonesia now and found my home. 

She was innocent and pure. I told her life isn't always filled with good people. She'll be betrayed by people she trusted the most but she'll learn from those mistakes.

She was devastated about finding love cause she lost herself while falling in love for the very first time. I told her one day she'll find herself again and find someone who will accept her for who she is.

She said she wasn't too close to our parents. She called them once a week. I told her I feel closer than ever to our parents now. I call them several times a day every single day. She was shocked when I told her I still live with our parents and I only have a few months left until I move out from their house.

She said she wanted to move to Jakarta to find new friends and a boyfriend. I told her our future partner is someone from our hometown. She couldn't believe when I said that cause that's the last thing she ever wanted, to date someone from her childhood home.

She said she wanted to enjoy her 20s exploring life and marry when she's ready. I told her I keep those words until now and that's the best decision ever. I am getting married this year when I turn 28.

She asked me what's the best advice for her. I said "At the end of the day, you don't only have yourself. You have your family, close friends and fiancé who love you so much. You can always depend on them for anything. You don't always have to be strong. Sometimes it's okay to not be okay."

To my Niece and Nephews

To Baby A
You have grown so fast and tall in a very short time that I've known you. It really feels just like yesterday when your mom gave birth to you and now you're already catching up with my height. First of all, thank you for bringing joy and warmth into our family. Before you were born, I had never seen the gentle and soft side of my parents. But the moment you were born, they had shown a whole new personality that I  never knew existed. Your kungkung and phopho love you and they are willing to go through everything just to make you smile and happy. I hope one day I could have a daughter who is just as beautiful as you are. I love how sweet you are to your father and seeing that bond reminds me of how much I loved and needed my father when I was young. 

To Baby W
It is interesting how you look more like a Korean than a Chinese. You are kungkung and phopho's first male descendant and that makes their love for you double just like that. To me, your friendly personality is what stands out the most. I love how sweet you are when you call people despite not knowing who they are. I love how sweet you are when you hug me and demand for my attention. When your mom and dad are out of town, you're always the first who told me you want to call your parents. And you're only 2 years old! I wonder what I did back then when I was your age? Sometimes you might be quite a handful to handle but your smile and laughter made sure that those sweats are all worth it. 

To Baby J
When people say you're my favorite, I never deny it. I remember visiting your mom when she gave birth to you. You looked just like the baby from Gerber's baby biscuit. You were just born but the moment I saw you, I knew in an instant that you'll be my favorite. I love how contagious your genuine smile is and how calm you are when you do something. I love carrying you around even if it's only for 30 seconds. You are not an active person and you've shown it since you were young. You are not a picky eater and that is such a plus point for an infant. Everyone who sees you will say that you're cute and chubby. I hope you stay like that until you're older.