for Josie

This is one of the nights where I feel like pouring my thoughts into words even though my eyes and mind don't agree to do so. This is the feeling that I am the most fearful of. The separation anxiety. I was sending off my roommate to the airport this morning. I thought I was stronger because I kept convincing myself that I am going to meet her again. But when I got home, everything seemed strange. Same room, same closet, same bathroom but it felt just a little bit bigger now. I felt completely bereft, like something was definitely missing in here. The atmosphere became gloomier than usual. Of course it is tidier now that I have cleaned it up a little but if I were given an option, I would rather have my roommate back. She is the best friend I could have asked for.

I started regretting every fights and arguments that we had had in the past. All those silent treatments we gave when we're mad at each other, all those concise and intentional slow text responses on Whatsapp and all those dodging-each-other moments now slapped me on my face. Why would we do all those things when we really love and care about each other? What is the need of putting your ego first than putting it aside?

Today is one of the days where I learned a great lesson and it was about appreciating the person who loves you. You never know how much that person means to you until you lose them and yes that is quite what I felt right now. Well, I wasn't exactly losing my best friend but when you go from talking and meeting a person every single day to not talk and meet at all, you will realise how much you have actually missed them. I can go days without chatting her because I know whenever I got home, she will always be there. But now, everything is never going to be the same. I felt like I should have been a better friend and regret comes when you know you can't do anything to change this. I wish I could give an advice to the younger me that I should spend more time with the person that I love and enjoy the moment while I still can.